Broken Pieces
by kryptofreak
Summary: Arthur lives many lives and always remembers, though sometimes he wish he didn't. He wants nothing more than to find his friend. This time however, something is wrong in this lifetime and Arthur must fight to fix it. Modern Reincarnation fic. Slightly Dark!Merlin and possible Merthur.
1. Chapter 1

Arthur sometimes wondered if it would be better to forget. It was hard enough trying to remember material for classes, people's birthdays appointments, and other important matters. Add in several lifetimes worth of memories and it was a wonder he could function at all.

Some lifetimes were certainly more memorable than others. Arthur really has to think to remember his life during Victorian England. He could almost recall everything from the time he helped establish Jamestown. His most recent life during which he had fought in World War II was too vivid in his mind, often resulting in nightmares. It wasn't uncommon for him to get an angry knock on his dorm because he had woken up his suitemate with his screaming. Of course those nightmare had more less to do with the war and more to do with _Him_-

No. He didn't want to think about _Him, _right now.

Arthur took a sip of his coffee and blanched. He hated the taste, but he needed something to keep him awake. Midterms were coming up next week and he had yet to even glance at his notes. He opened one of his notebooks and began to scan the pages. However it did him little as his mind began to wander again.

"Penny for your thoughts?" asked a quiet voice.

Arthur lifted his eyes to see one of the baristas standing in front of him.

She was very pretty with her curly hair, dark skin, and eyes that always seemed very kind.

"Hello, Gwen," he replied, a little more morose than he had intended.

She frowned and Arthur couldn't help but notice that she scrunched up her nose as she did. "What's wrong?"

"Studying," he lied. He didn't want to upset her by letting her know that her mere presence made him sad. After all it wasn't her fault she couldn't remember.

"Do you mind if I sit and distract you? I'm on my break."

He forced a smile and nodded. Gwen sat and looked at the textbook closest to her and raised an eyebrow.

"Arthurian legend? Didn't you take this last term?"

Arthur blushed. "I might have failed and had to retake it."

Gwen giggled. "Yes, Lance did mention you fought with the professor about everything."

Arthur felt a small pang of hurt at the mention of Lancelot, but for Gwen's benefit he showed no reaction. "Well, he got it all wrong."

"You're so silly sometimes, Arthur. It's all just a story, after all." Gwen laughed.

"Yeah, I suppose so." He stood up abruptly, making Gwen jump. "Sorry, I should be going."

"Oh, okay," responded Gwen as Arthur gathered up his books. She sounded confused, making him feel guilty, but he just needed to get away and clear his head.

"See you around." She kissed him on the cheek for goodbye. "Take care."

"Careful, Lance might not like that," Arthur stated, pulling away.

Gwen rolled her eyes at that. "He knows nothing's between us." The unspoken words _You've made that quite clear_ hung in the air. Arthur nodded and mumbled his goodbye before leaving.

As he walked he thought back to all his childhood memories with Gwen. In this lifetime they had grown up next door to one another and it had been evident from the start that she had been besotted with him. Arthur wasn't surprised. Gwen had once been his queen and for the first lifetimes he had reciprocated her feelings. But over the years as it became apparent she would never remember, he pulled away, refusing to be with her. His feelings began to dwindle and he became content only being friends. Besides he had a suspicion that she and Lance were destined to be together. Once he no longer sought her out , the two of them had grown closer in each lifetime until eventually they had ended up together. Arthur had been to two of their weddings and there was no denying that Gwen and Lance had more love for one another than he'd have with her.

Deep in his thoughts, Arthur didn't notice he had bumped in to someone.

"Hey, watch it," snapped a voice, passing by him.

Arthur didn't hear him and continued to walk towards his dorm. It wasn't until he had dropped down on his bed, did he realize that something felt different. What it was, he couldn't fathom, yet he knew something had happened.

Arthur shook his head and reached over to turn on his music. He turned the volume up until it hurt his ears, but he left it like, hoping to drown out his thoughts.

How long he just lay there, he didn't know. He closed his eyes, willing himself to forget without success.

He didn't understand how everything had ended up the way it had. He had died numerous times, lived many lives. And every time he remembered. Not always at first, but he always did. This time it had been when he was fifteen. He'd been having strange dreams for months, when finally something inside of him broke and they all came flooding out.

It was always difficult when he remembered. To be honest it almost felt like dying. Once he knew he was the legendary Arthur, his current personality and life began to get lost among the memories. His current self disappeared as Arthur the King returned.

Some of his current reincarnation's personality did remain, meshing with his old self. Yet he still hated that in the next life the same thing would happen again. It was the worst part of the cycle.

Well, second worst part, when he thought about it.

The worst part was finding his old friends and having none of them remember.

No matter what life he lived he always found Gwen and his Knights. And every life not one of them remembered their pasts. Not even _He _remembered.

There had been only one exception. And it had ended in disaster.

Arthur figured someone must have cursed him. How else could he explain this never ending torment of being alone? Sure his friends were there, but in a way they weren't, stuck in their reincarnations.

It was even worse when it came to one person.

Arthur always remembered his Camelot life as clear as crystal.

With one exception.

He felt as if someone had taken scissor and cut this person from his life. He remembered all the moments they shared together, all the adventures, all the foes fought, even all the insults slung back and forth.

But for the life of him he couldn't remember the face, the voice, or even the name. When he tried everything was blurry and distorted.

And Arthur wouldn't remember these details until he found _Him_. Once the two had met in the current life, the pieces would be put back together in his memories. It made no sense, but that was the way it always was.

And always would be.

Arthur had no idea how to break the cycle and he desperately wanted to.

For it never failed that each life something horrific would happen and Arthur could do nothing to stop it.

And almost always, that horrific thing involved _Him._

**Hope you all enjoyed! Please review!**_  
_


	2. Chapter 2

Somewhere between contemplating his life and making himself miserable, Arthur fell asleep.

It was far from a peaceful slumber as he began to dream. Flickering shadows and blurred faces swam into his vision. It grew darker until he could see nothing at all. In desperation he reached out, hoping to find a wall or something to guide him. As he stumbled around he could find nothing to hold on to. He wanted to escape, to be free of the darkness. Yet every time he tried to get away hands that belonged to someone invisible grabbed at his clothing, pulling him further down.

He couldn't scream for no sound came out. The only noise was someone yelling his name.

_Arthur, Arthur..._

"Arthur!"

He jolted awake, his heart beating feverishly.

"Jesus!" he cursed, seeing that someone was standing above him.

His dormmate grinned and shook his long hair out of his face. "Sleep well, Princess?"

"Oh bugger off, Gwaine," Arthur groaned as he looked over at his clock. "Shit! Why did you let me sleep so late?"

Gwaine shrugged. "Since when is it my job to wake you up? I only came in here cause your music was driving me nuts. But you were having a fit or something. "

Arthur frowned, thinking about his nightmare, and stood up. "Let's go to the pub," he declared.

Gwaine's eyebrows shot up. "That's normally my line. You feeling alright?"

Arthur nodded, still frowning. For some reason he couldn't shake his nightmare. It had been different than the ones he normally experienced. Normally he relived previous battles or painful memories. But this time- he shivered, and tried to push the thought aside.

Gwaine didn't notice, he was too busy checking out his reflection in Arthur's mirror.

" You look fine. It's just going to be you and me, anyways." Arthur grabbed Gwaine and started pushing him toward the door.

"No offence mate, but I hope the person I go home with tonight is a lot prettier than you."

By the time they had gotten to the pub it was decently crowded. Gwaine made a beeline for the bar while Arthur managed to grab one of the lasts tables.

As he waited for Gwaine he watched the people in the pub. Almost everyone there he recognized from around campus. A group of girls a few tables over kept glancing at him and giggling to one another. He looked away quickly, not wanting them to come over. Not only was he not in the mood that night, but he also didn't have any real interest in girls from this lifetime anyways.

Most of the other guys in the bar did not share his opinion Arthur watched as some girl smiled and laughed at whatever the guy she was talking to said. The guy had his back turned towards Arthur, but there was something about his big sticking out ears that made him stare at him. He felt as those ears were important. But of course that would be ridiculous.

"Hope you're thirsty," said Gwaine, putting multiple beers down on the table

Arthur broke his gaze away from the man and began to chug.

"Whoah, there mate!" Gwaine exclaimed. "You must have had one hell of a day."

Arthur finished off the beer and made a grab for another, but then thought better of it. The last time he had gotten smashed he had apparently spent the rest of the night talking nonstop about Camelot. And while everyone had thought it was just the shenanigans of a drunk Arthurian legend enthusiast, Arthur didn't intend to repeat the incident.

So instead of drinking, he rolled the bottle between his palms, letting his mind drift.

"You've got that look again," Gwaine commented, as he watched Arthur. When all he got in response was a confused look, he continued, "Sometimes when you zone out, you get this expression like the weight of the world is on your shoulder."

Arthur raised his eyebrows at him. "How perceptive of you," he muttered.

Gwaine smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I have my moments. Now seriously, what's bothering you?"

"I'm not drunk enough to spill my feelings to you." Though his tone was mostly light, there was enough of a bite to it that prevented Gwaine from asking again. Instead he decided to change topics.

"So there's this huge asshole at the bar who stole the girl I had my eyes on."

Arthur snorted. "Rough life you live."

Gwaine ignored him. "It's like the fourth time too. Every time I come here, he's here, picking up my target." He gestured to the bar where the guy with the big ears stood, his back still turned toward Arthur.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," Arthur replied dryly. He continued to stare at the guy, noticing how his hair stood up in the obnoxious way that meant he had obviously used gel. Arthur had the sudden desire to stand up and run his fingers through that hair.

Realizing what he had just thought, he snapped his attention back to his friend and took a long sip of beer.

Gwaine frowned at the guy, but didn't continue the subject. Instead he began to prattle on about a girl in his Chem lab. Despite not being interested, Arthur did his best to engage in conversation, only so he wouldn't think about the guy at the bar. The two of them sat there talking for an hour before Arthur stood up, declaring he needed fresh air.

As he made his way through the now very crowded pub he found himself searching for the mysterious guy. He couldn't understand why he felt compelled to. The beer was making his brain feel fuzzy, but he knew it wasn't the primary cause of his confusion.

It was a relief to get out of the pub and feel the cold air. Leaning against the wall, he contemplated just going home. Gwaine wouldn't miss him. In fact Arthur was sure that if he did go back inside he'd find Gwaine seeking out female company.

Just as he was about to head in the direction of his dorm, shouts came from the alley next to the pub. It was stupid of him to investigate. He was tired and tipsy. Yet the inner King and protector in him knew that someone could be in trouble and Arthur was never one to forgive himself for ignoring a problem.

"Hey!" He shouted as he turned into the alley.

Two guys stood there, opposite of one another. Neither acknowledged Arthur. Though he didn't recognize the boy facing him, he certainly did the one with his back turned.

The boy with the big ears.

The other boy's nose was dripping with blood, but he didn't seem concerned by it. "What the hell do you think you're doing, making out with my girl?" he yelled. He sprang forward.

Mystery Boy did not answered. With reflexes that rivaled Arthurs' he flipped his opponent on to his back and began punching him.

Up until the point Arthur had been frozen, too shocked by seeing this boy again. He ran forward and grabbed him, trying to tear him away from the boy cowering on the ground.

"Hey, that's enough," he grumbled, unsuccessful in his attempt. "You've had your fun, my friend."

The guy stopped struggling with him and stood up. He whipped around angrily, glaring at Arthur.

Arthur stumbled back, his eyes wide.

Memories hit him like a wave. This man helping him defeat dragons. Saving him. Dying in his arms.

It was overwhelming and he began to shake.

"Merlin," he gasped.

It was the first time he had said the name in this lifetime.


End file.
